


Alone

by ImperialEvolution



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst, Friendship, I'm Sorry, Pre-Canon, Sabine's past, This is a really dark story, attempted suicide, cause this is it, is fluffy angst a thing?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-15
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-08-22 14:37:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8289325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImperialEvolution/pseuds/ImperialEvolution
Summary: The were times Sabine thought she would never escape the Empire.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry.

Sabine was devastatingly tired. Her body ached as she rolled over on her bed, sketchbook and pencil beside her.

She'd fallen asleep while in her armour. Again. While drawing. Again. She was working on a sketch of Ketsu, planning to paint it onto her wall when she was finished.

Sabine started to take off her armour, stripping down to her leggings and singlet. As she changed, she caught a glimpse of the mark on her arm.

She didn't often look at it, she tried to pretend it didn't exist. It was hard to accidentally look at, but the symbol still haunted her.

On her bicep, the black tattoo marked her skin. The Imperial Crest. The same as on every Imperial uniform, transport and propaganda poster. Just when she felt free, that tattoo told her she could never really escape the Empire.

Sabine tore her gaze away from it, angry at the spikes pricking her eyes. Crying wasn't going to help anyone, let alone Sabine Wren. She closed her eyes, counting to ten slowly.

It was going to be another long day for Sabine. Ignore Ezra's advances, run missions for Hera, help Kanan with whatever he needed, spar with Zeb, play half a dozen rounds of dejarik with Rex, and then pretend seeing Ketsu around base wasn't killing her. And if she was lucky, she'd get some time to be alone.

She used to be alone all the time. Back then, all she wanted was to have a friend, someone to stand by her. Sabine was reckless back then. She danced to close to the knife edge, too lost to care if she won the battle or died trying. But at least she hadn't been dragging anyone down with her...

_Sabine chocked on her tears, her vision blurring as she watched the ship disappear into the distance. Their ship. It felt like a knife in her throat - she couldn't breathe, couldn't fight._

_She thought they were sisters. She could have sworn they were partners. Sabine remembered vividly the vow they took, the promise they made. Ketsu and Sabine, blood sisters, partners in crime._

_The worst thing about this betrayal was that it wasn't subtle. Sabine saw the knife aimed at her back from a mile away, but she refused to face it head on. Because she was a coward. Because she refused to see the dark side of people._

_So here she was, back among the blank helmets and pristine armour. Marching down whitewashed corridors, unable to meet anyone's eyes. Because in this militant world of white, no-one had eyes, nor a soul to see into. All anyone ever did was obey orders._

_"Put her in the detention block," yet another white plated Stormtrooper said, indicating her with the flick of his hand._

_"Her?" Even through a voice receptor, the disbelief in the new trooper's tone. "Sir, she's just a kid."_

_"Don't underestimate anyone, trooper." Judging by the contempt in the first trooper's voice showed how young the sceptical Stormtrooper was. "Now go."_

_Sabine looked at this rookie Stormtrooper through her purple and black fringe, offering a weak smile. The trooper shoved her forward, and she stumbled back into movement._

_Sabine had seen and guarded detention cells many times before, but she'd never actually been in one. It was just as confined and desolate and intimidating as she'd imagined. Normally she'd love the chance to brighten up a room like this, but after Ketsu's betrayal, every fibre in Sabine's body wanted to crawl into a hole and die._

_It had all started when Ketsu saw the_ WANTED _poster, emblazoned with Sabine's name and photo, a large bounty over her head. Ketsu thought Sabine hadn't seen her tear down the poster and pocket it. Money was tight. Money was always tight, but this year was worse than anything they'd ever faced. There was almost no work, and Ketsu and Sabine had sold most of their gear, only keeping what they needed. Sabine could practically feel the resentment radiating of Ketsu whenever she pulled out a can of spray paint. They both knew that her art supplies were creating a large dent in their profits, but Ketsu didn't know about the many extra jobs she took on to pay for her hobby._

_Ketsu didn't understand what she meant whenever she said "It's only money." She didn't understand how much their partnership meant to her._

_Ketsu basically kidnapped her. She locked her up and flew to the nearest Imperial outpost. She landed the Escaper and threw Sabine and the Imperial Officer's feet, declaring that she was here for the bounty._

_What made things worse was the way she said, "Sorry, Sabine. It's nothing personal - it's only money."_

_By the time another Stormtrooper arrived, Sabine was ready to leave the cell. The trooper unlocked her and marched her out. When she asked, he wouldn't tell her where they were going. Once they turned into a deserted corridor, Sabine swept the trooper's out from under her, ducking the laser bolt he fired. She stood over him, kicking the E-11 out of his hand. The trooper kicked at her knee, but she dodged, giving him time to get to his feet. They wrestled for a brief time, until he put her in a headlock._

_Running out of options, Sabine dragged him closer to the wall. She vaulted off the wall, flipping over him. Free of the headlock, Sabine lunged at the blaster rifle, grabbing it and setting it to stun. She kicked him back and shot at him. The blue rays hit him full in the chest, and he collapsed on the ground with a satisfying clunk._

_Sabine rose to her full height, the sound of boots on metal resonating toward her. She had to leave. Now._

_Ever since Ketsu's betrayal and her escape, Sabine stopped drawing. She was just a ghostly imitation of her old self. She still taunted the troopers and held the same habits and sense of humour, but her enthusiasm was gone. She felt like a half, the gaping hole left by Ketsu left like an untreated wound._

_She changed her hair so many times that she barely recognised her own reflection. The name_ _Sabine started fading out of existence, the sound of her name feeling alien to her ears._

_Everything started changing when Sabine heard of rebel cell stationed on Lothal. Maybe this was her chance to leave this loneliness behind._

_Sabine brought a one-way ticket to Lothal. As she boarded the shuttle, she focused on sending out an air of danger, praying that no-one would recognise her._

_When they landed on Lothal, Sabine headed for the nearest square. As she walked, she watched the people. Anyone could be a rebel, but Sabine knew the subtle differences. She took off her helmet and shook her hot pink hair out of her eyes. She was going to find this "crew", and she was going to turn her life around._

_But she couldn't do it alone._

But now? Now she had the whole crew looking out for her. They'd do anything for her, just like she'd do anything for them. Now she had something better than a friend; family. And she wished more than anything to be alone again.

There were so many times that Sabine wished Zeb didn't think of her as a sister, because if she sacrificed herself for him, he'd wish he was the one who was dead.

So many times she wished that Ezra hated her, so he wouldn't be so cut up if he wasn't there in time, or he wasn't strong enough.

She wished Hera wouldn't use the motherly tone on her, because it would be so much easier on her if Sabine were to get hurt.

She wished Kanan wasn't so protective, so he wouldn't fall on a downwards spiral when she fought the battle she wouldn't be able to win.

When she was alone, Sabine couldn't hurt anyone the way she hurt her parents when she ran away from the Empire. The same Empire who burnt the mark onto her arm.

The same Empire who ruined her life.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabine and Ketsu never really had a normal friendship, even from the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted suicide. If you're gonna get triggered, don't read.

Sabine found it ironic that seeing Ketsu around was killing her, when it was Ketsu who saved her life so many years ago.

Sabine had said time and time again that she forgave her, and she did - to a point. Sabine wasn't ready to leap into Ketsu's arms whenever she was scared (not that she'd ever done that), but she was happy to call her an ally. But every time she was Ketsu - flirting with literally anyone who walked on two legs, or shorting targets with her new friends - she felt like she was going to throw up.

Sabine tried to convince herself that she didn't need her. She'd been with the crew for years, she hadn't needed Ketsu and still didn't. But Kanan, Ezra, Zeb and Hera were family, and Sabine needed friends. Just like she had when Ketsu talked her way into Sabine's life.

_The night was uncharacteristically bright, stars glinting with such a fierce light that Sabine had to look away. The moon was reflecting every single drop of light it could find, and was pouring it out into the world below._

_Sabine lent out over the rail of the spire of the Mandolorian Academy, her eyes grazing the cold grey pavement below. Sabine's helmet sat a few feet away, where it had landed with a heavy clunk as Sabine threw it to the side. The Imperial Cadet helmet was nothing like her own Nite Owls helmet - replacing comfort for appearances and being practical for being characterless. Yet it somehow matched her._

_There were few words to describe what she felt. It was like sleep. She only woke up because she had no choice. She only did anything because she had to. Sabine didn't drag her feet or complain because there was nothing she cared about that was worth it._

_Her father used to spend a lot of time with her as a child: teaching her how to paint, helping her sketch the landscape, or training her as a warrior; teaching her how to fly the old ship they had or how to shoot. She enjoyed flying. It was like no-one could touch her, nothing could faze her._

_Sabine looked around. There was no-one running to save her, no-one to stop her. Then again, Sabine had never been afraid of heights._

_Falling used to feel like flying, with the air whooshing past her face and the gravity playing with her hair; she wondered if it still felt like like that._

_Gathering her strength, Sabine climbed over the rail, her hands gripping the metal behind her. She raised her gaze to the moon, trying not to look down._

_"You know, that's the coward's way out." The quietly spoken insult made Sabine look around sharply. The speaker was standing in the doorway, leaning casually against the wall._

_She was dressed in typical Cadet uniform, her helmet tucked under her arm. The light cast small rivers of shadows across her dark skin, her indigo eyes catching the moonlight._

_Bile rose in Sabine's throat - everything was falling apart, the last thing she needed was for this girl to spread rumours about that Wren girl who tried to kill herself. "What do you want?" she said, dragging her eyes away from the girl._

_"What I want? Hmm, that's a tricky one. Maybe I don't want to be the one who scrapes your brain off the footpath."_

_Sabine told her to go away._

_"No, I don't think I will." She paused. "It's a nice view, huh? I've never been to Mandalore before - my family just moved over here."_

_"Who are you," Sabine growled, her voice cracking, "and why do you think you can control me?"_

_"Ketsu Onyo," she said, with a confident smirk that Sabine could practically hear in her tone._

_"Well, you're prattling is only going to make me jump sooner." Sabine looked at her hands, white-knuckled and sweaty._

_"I don't think you will." Ketsu walked closer to her._

_"You don't know me," Sabine whispered, turning her head to catch her eyes._

_Ketsu held out a hand. "Maybe I want to."_

Sabine needed that helping hand more than she'd thought possible. Sabine used to wonder how things would be if she hadn't accepted Ketsu's hand. Although, it wouldn't have mattered because Sabine would be dead.

Sabine looked up from her sketch book, seeing Ketsu on the other side of the room. It was unusual for her to be alone, so she decided to change that.

"About time," Ketsu said as Sabine approached, rewarding her with a half smile.

"Do you wanna go shoot some targets?" Sabine offered, after a moments hesitation.

"No - I just went with Jenika."

"Oh."

Ketsu looked at her, purple eyes meeting brown. Neither party said anything for a few seconds until Ketsu said, "I have a mission."

Sabine took her surprise on the chin. "Looks like you really do care for the Rebellion after all, huh?"

"I just don't want any more people getting hurt," she scoffed.

"Yeah, right! I knew you'd come round." Sabine smiled. At least Ketsu was fitting in, despite the fact it wasn't with her.

The next words were hesitant, reluctant, almost. "I'm going back to the Academy."

"What?" Sabine spat, the hairs on the back of her neck bristling. "Ketsu, no! It's a suicide mission! They're recognise you, they'll know who you are! They'll kill you!"

Judging by Ketsu's averted gaze, she was shocked by her concern. Sabine was too.

"Ketsu, that's the single worst idea I've ever heard! What's the point of going - you'll never get anywhere - they don't hand out information to Cadets, we both know that!"

Ketsu sighed. "I'm going to be the Rebellion's mole. I know what I'm doing, I'll be careful."

"You'll be dead! We both know what it takes to get anywhere in the Empire, do you really what to go through all that again?" Sabine knew it better than the rest.

"No, but I don't have a choice."

"Yes, you do!" Sabine stamped her foot as she spoke, clenching her fist.

"Don't be angry, Sabine!" Ketsu snapped. "There's nothing you can do."

The air between the crackled with tense energy. Sabine let the words hang in the air as she thought of a reply. Instead, she pulled her once-friend into an embrace, allowing herself to relax against her.

"Don't you dare die on me," she murmured into Ketsu's shoulder.

"I'll try not to," Ketsu reassured her, elements of affection in her tone.

"You're crazy." Sabine stepped away, holding her at arm's length.

"You love me, really."

"Since when?" Sabine forced a careless smirk.

"Since I offered you a hand."

Sabine knew that every second Ketsu was near her would kill her. But worrying about her was infinitely worse. She knew that, she'd being worrying about her since they met.

She still hadn't gotten used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This broke my heart to write. But I actually love it. Please help me.


End file.
